There’s so much history to review, but I want to introduce you to who I am now. I suffer from severe depression. I have Bipolar I disorder. I am an alcoholic, currently sober and in recovery. These three facts about me have caused a lot of damage in my life and the lives of the people I love the very most. The millions of moments of love and joy are darkened by the handfuls of days of relapse, mania, depression, or all three.


I have caused worry, fear, and anger in my siblings and their families. In my parents. In my own daughter. And countless friends who just didn’t know what to do with me. The chaos I caused resulted in them distancing themselves from me completely. Except for my parents. They put up with more than they should have.

At the same time, I have a best friend, many other friends, cousins, a brother, my aunt and uncle, my church and school communities and my AA community who continue to love and encourage me, in spite of the frustration I know they must feel.

My feelings about myself now after so many years of being impacted by my three fatal characteristics are complicated. There is so much shame, regret, self-loathing. Simultaneously, I know I’m a good person and can’t believe the other things about me are true. I’m doing everything I can to fight for my life, my sanity, and my sobriety.

More tomorrow.

Lovingly,

Laura